My obsession with condiments, Ryan Luckie’s March Madness enthusiasm (his word...I would have gone with 'craze'), and a weekend of time on our hands has resulted in one gem of a blog post that no doubt is of award winning journalistic proportions.
What you will experience, should you choose the red pill (Matrix reference), is competition, intrigue, shock, awe, disappointment, joy, betrayal, and truth.
What we did:
A list of 48 top condiment candidates was compiled. Then a draft was held, where we alternated picking our top 8. The rest were coupled and randomly assigned spots in the bracket. Oh ya, there's a bracket. Feel free to view the bracket to see how the finalists came to be. The condiments battled it out, and we are left with 2 finalists:
A1 Sauce vs. White Queso.
A1 Sauce is my winner, and white queso is Ryan's winner. In order to have a fair battle to decide which condiment is the best, we are taking it to a poll (found at the bottom of the post).But first, a bit of campaigning for my candidate:
Campaigne Slogan #1: A1 Sauce...always there for you when you need it.
Campaigne Slogan #2: A1 Sauce...changing lives.
Since it's invention in 1824, A1 Steak Sauce has rocked peoples worlds all over the universe. Whether it's on a steak, a burger, a baked potato, or whatever else you want to put it on (yellow squash...try it), it does the trick. It's delicious, and comes in so many varieties: Original Steak Sauce, Thick and Hearty, Cracked Peppercorn, Bold and Spicy, Hickory Sweet, Kobe Sesame Teriyaki, and Smoky Mesquite...not to mention the marinades! My candidate can do so much more for you than the opposition. A1 has something for the whole family. With the perfect blend of awesomeness and love, A1 will help you to become a better person. A1 Sauce changes lives. It cures cancer*. White Queso is a life ruiner and won't cure anything, but it will burn your tongue and the roof of your mouth if consumed whilst hot (score!). Then you won't be able to enjoy the rest of your food, because your mouth will hurt...and you won't be able to taste anything properly afterwards for at least 3 days. What a jerk. Am I right? Yes. I am. Then who will be there to pick up the pieces? A1 Sauce. That's who. Why? Because A1 Sauce is always there for you when you need it. White queso is only there in the beginning and then abandons you. A1 sauce is in it for the long haul...and it is what a condiment should be.
My name is Jenny S. Everett, and I approve this message.
Now for the poll. Think of what being a condiment means to you, and vote for your preference.
*actual amount of truth may vary
just a few things,
ReplyDeleteI'm laughing at the fact that the poll is practically invisible on your blog due to the dark background. I can't believe (actually it is really easy to believe, but i will feign shock) you started running attack ads. And lastly, we had 48 condiments originally. (64 or more correctly 68 is how many basketball teams there are in that other thing we talked about)
I'm tempted to delete your comment. ...and I corrected the number, thank you very much.
ReplyDeletesounds like the competition has begun!!
ReplyDeleteI argue that queso is not a condiment, but is a side dish, if not an entree. Bowl. Spoon. Queso. Done. No A1 necessary.
ReplyDelete